Archive Posts (Page 5)

Mamie swiped her “loyalty” card at Circle-K and the screen said “Loyalty Accepted” which I’m 99% sure is what The Great AI of 2036 is going to say right before it euthanizes us.

Sophie: “I just don’t like it when I’m blamed for things that aren’t my fault. … Actually scratch that. I don’t like it when I’m blamed for things even if they are my fault.”

Current status: Cleaning feathers, blood, bird poop, and a flopping whimpering 80% dead pigeon out of Sophie’s room and relocating a filthy rat from the family room floor to the trash.

Anybody want some cats?

These pictures are striking. Hours before the shooting these kids we’ve seen so much of were of course just normal goofy high-schoolers having Valentine’s Day fun.

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Did you know that 40% of sick days are taken on a Monday or Friday? That should tell you something!

It should tell you that perfectly reasonable numbers can sound surprising in a misleading way. Caveat emptor.

I have an idea. How about we have cops teach literature and calculus instead. Well trained cops. Only the best. The kids can go three together on ride-alongs and deconstruct Frankenstein while they bust a math lab.

Plato said a co-equal student-teacher relationship built on trust and mutual respect is essential to learning. So I guess what I’m saying is we should arm the students too. It’s only fair.

If I were a teacher and I were armed, I would have shot 6th grade me like 11 times just out of exasperation.

I feel like a good illustration of privilege is: The Republican Party has successfully alienated women, immigrants, people of color, Muslims, lgbt people, and young people. But they still have power.

Never underestimate the political power of old white hetero men. It’s almost like we were the only ones with that power historically. 🤔

The other day I almost succeeded in convincing Sophie that they’re called Tortles and Turtoises. Almost. Her grip on reality was beginning to crack. But then she shook it off.

Oh well. There’s always next time.

There’s some kind of solid water condensate on my windshield. I think it’s a rare atmospheric phenomenon.

I kind of want to make a twitter bot that just crawls twitter and blocks everyone it finds.

I’m trying to imagine how different the world would be today if Fox News had existed when the Little Rock Nine went to school that day

Growing up in America.

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[ed: This twitter account has been switched to private so I have changed the link to point to archive.org.]

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I hate my cats
But I’m ok with you

Ah the Winter Olympics. That quadrennial time when a billion people argue about what is and isn’t a “sport” and make unending jokes about curling.

Did you know that 93% of millennials don’t really care what we think of “millennials”?

Sometimes people ask “what gives you the right to…” and in most cases the correct answer is “the United States Constitution.”

The woman behind me in this mostly-empty airport terminal just pushed out a massive burp, made that mouth-smacking sound you make when you’re tasting something, said “ew, tastes like burgers”, and then went on with her phone conversation.

Own it I guess. You do you, and etc…

This is layers of great.

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The thing about reading biographies is you always know how they’re going to end.

☠️

This account of a committee chairman’s reaction to a bill about prisoner access to feminine hygiene products reads like an SNL parody of clueless men in power. “I’m almost sorry I heard the bill,” says chairman Lawrence. 🙄

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So is anybody making crabby snacks and homemades?

Actual work conversation between Dave Van Tassell and myself several weeks ago:

Him: Oh the meeting is the week after the Super Bowl. That’ll make it easy to remember.

Me: Oh the Super Bowl is the week before the meeting. That’ll make it easy to remember.

Happy Super Bowl friends. I’m with you in spirit.

Well this is depressing.

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I think a pretty good illustration of what life was like before the internet is this:

When I was 10 I spent like six months trying to figure out if it was “Nobody does it like Sara Lee” or “Nobody doesn’t like Sara Lee”.

I know YouTube’s algorithms are probably some kind of super-smart machine learning AI but I think I’ve kind of figured them out:

“If geoff watches one chess video suggest a million chess videos to him very day for the rest of his life.”

I’ve lived in America all my life and I have no idea what Groundhog Day is all about. I have a secret fear that I’ll be in a foreign country sometime and find myself compelled to explain and defend its existence.

Fact: I can go to bed at 7:00 pm and I’ll still feel lousy all morning if I get up at 6. But even if I go to bed at 3:30 am I feel like a million bucks if I sleep in til 7:45.

I think this is what they call “not a morning person.”

Aside: I feel like a million bucks today!

The word “surroundings” makes me nervous. 👀

Is everyone enjoying the super-adjectival moon?

“Applause” never spells “applesauce”. It just looks like it.

Can you imagine if the rows on the airplane weren’t offset slightly across the aisle? Nobody would know who was supposed to go first. Chaos.

I’ll never ever not laugh and roll my eyes at the phrase “It’s in prototype stage right now but you can pre-order!”

I would just like to say, having now some distance from my viewing, that Luke’s engagement with the enemy is a perfect illustration of why Yoda flipping around with a tiny sword in the prequels was so stupid and wrong.

We have finally seen how a Jedi master really does things.

Understand your enemy.

Use the force for defense, “never for attack”.

Never lose your cool.