The Complete Works of Shakespeare
Things My Phone's Autocorrect Knows Mean "Geoff"
Although I fear by making this list I will undermine its assumptions and it will stop fixing these for me. Read more…
Archive Posts (Page 36)
Shakespeare Movies Ranked
There are lots more Shakespeare movies but these are the ones I’ve seen recently enough to comment on. Read more…
The Murals of Phoenix
One of the many things I love about is our murals.
If I Were Trapped on a Desert Island With Only Three Books
Scrapbook of my wife and kids
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In Which I Confess to a Total Lack of Popular Culture Credibility
I’m a little anti-social which might factor in to these. Please note: there’s no judgement here. I’m not suggesting these things are unworthy of time. I have great respect for our culture. I just don’t understand it sometimes or don’t feel a compulsion to engage. I’m not sure why. Read more…
I wish the “press” would stop leveraging social media to give voice to fringe idiots. And I wish we would all stop getting outraged by those idiots when they do. A very tiny number of people are ridiculous. Ignore them.
Apropos Names
Bud Starling
Audubon chapter president in Indianapolis, lead bird watching tours in Eagle Creek park when I was a kid.
Doug Bowser
Recently-appointed VP of Sales at Nintendo.
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I watched an old Voyager-era NASA video yesterday. At one point the narrator said some Saturn cloud features were “their most important discovery of this morning.” What a time.
Six more days until Pluto closest approach.
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Sent my human off to Dallas today to check in for a study abroad trip to Rome. We celebrated last night by watching Roman Holiday, which is such a sweet movie it almost makes up for missing this kid for three weeks.
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The End of Marriage: A Post-Apocalyptic Diary
As you know, marriage was undermined last week. Here’s my diary of the aftermath in this lonely post-marriage outpost. I hope there’s somebody left to read this. Read more…
English Words With Interesting Backstories➕
I love words. And I especially love words that came to us in interesting ways. Here are some of my favorites. Read more…
Things I Said to Siri on My Walk Last Night
The perks and perils of growing your music library from 6,000 to 30,000,000 songs. Read more…
Pluto! True color! Two distinct faces! This is history we’re making here. It’s like opening a box we’ve had on the shelf for 80 years and we finally found the key.
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Flavors of Starburst Candy, Ranked
This list is built upon irrefutable fact. Read more…
Voice Changes Across a Long Singing Career, Most to Least➕
There’s a big hole between 1 and 2 so suggest away… Read more…
Emoji History➕
How well do you know your sometimes-apocryphal pictographic history? Read more…
Top 10 Girl Scout Cookies, Ranked
This is for you @ChrisK Read more…
Sophia on Point
Nine years of my daughter saying things. (This list is ridiculously long. I’ve been keeping these for ages.) Read more…
Things I Know Because of School House Rock
I feel sorry for the majority of you who are probably too young to have experienced this splendor in situ between Saturday morning cartoon episodes. It was an amazing time. Read more…
My Future Wife
My future wife will be my present wife. We’ve been married almost 21 years and I see no reason to change. Here’re a few of the things I love about her. Read more…
Lines From Picture Books My Family Still References Regularly Even Though My Kids Are Now Teens
“You are not my mother. You are a snort.”
From “Are You My Mother?” Pretty much every time anyone ever says the word “snort”.
“He will live at our house. He will grow and grow. Will our mother like this? We don’t know.”
From “One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish”. Occasionally when we talk about doing something mom or dad probably shouldn’t be ok with.
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Google’s glorious sarcastic response to press inquiry:
“The headline here is that two self-driving cars did what they were supposed to do in an ordinary everyday driving scenario.”
Constitutional Amendments I Would Support
“The rights of the people to find joy in cooking their family and their dog shall not be infringed.”
Just because it would be fun to watch Scalia argue that we now have to allow cannibalism. “Do you see a comma? I do not see a comma. There is no comma. It is right there in the text. It is so ruled.”
“We take back #2. Not sure what we were thinking."
We failed to consider the ramification of such a right within a completely screwed up society.
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What We Learned (?) About the United States Supreme Court Today
To all my gay friends and list app associates: this is your day. We love you. Read more…
My (not so) baby before they blasted off on trip number one. I get to see them TONIGHT :)
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And the Court Finds…
Carole J. Johnson is indeed a whore
“There’s no question in the court’s mind … that she was not of virtuous character and that she perhaps fit all of those descriptions of a whore.” Link
Alleged apple cider vinegar is indeed not apple cider vinegar
In the case of United States v. Ninety-Five Barrels of Alleged Apple Cider Vinegar. Link
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My Two Children Summed Up by the Text Messages They Each Sent Me Today While They Travel
Couldn’t possibly love two humans more. Read more…
Things That Make Noise in My House
The dishwasher
The washing machine
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Once more with feeling: It isn’t about mass shooting deaths. It is about shooting deaths. We don’t only count car accidents in big cars. We don’t only count heart attacks in tall people. If your perception of America’s gun violence problem is centered on the notion of “a few” mass shootings, then please consider that for every mass shooting victim this year, there are THOUSANDS of individual gun-related deaths.
This sounds callous but from a statistical and policy standpoint, mass shootings are an insignificant distraction from the real issue.
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Things That Get Weirder the More You Think About Them
Neck ties
I shall dangle a piece of decorative fabric down my front.
The spelling of the word “subtlety”
I’m sure there’s some subtle reabson ibts spbelled thabt way.
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“Inside Out” typifies the best of [Pixar]. It goes not only to places other animation houses don’t dare, but also to places the rest of the pack doesn’t even know exist.
Pages of the Great Gatsby Baby Book My Daughter Made for Her Teacher's Newborn
A couple years ago my daughter’s teacher was pregnant. The teacher’s favorite book was Gatsby so Sophia decided to make her a soft baby-book version. She did the cutting and sewing. Her older sister and I did the textual adaptation. The result was arguably the coolest gift a kid has ever given a teacher. Read more…
Things I Silently Judge
Over the top proposal videos
When my wife and I entered into a verbal contract to marry it was … more clinical. If you have an elaborate flash mob at your proposal I secretly hate you while I click Like in Facebook.
People who are always late
“Oh no it’s no problem at all” he says while secretly down-rating his internal accounting of your fitness to complete any task at all.
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List App People Attending Wwdc➕➕
Anybody here? Read more…
Things I Want My Kids to Know
There’s a difference between “it’s not my fault” and “I can’t help it.”
The former is common. The latter is rare.
Postel’s Law is just as relevant to human interaction as it is to computer communications.
“Be conservative in what you do, be liberal in what you accept from others.” Link
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Things That Made My Heart Swell and Burst
When Maia said goodbye
My daughter’s dear friend Maia moved to Taiwan last year. She was like an extra child around our house for a few years and we sincerely love her. When I said my last goodbye, which was already tough, she hugged me tightly, looked me square in the eyes and said, “you’re a really good dad.” [weep]
The Elvis Costello song “A Good Year for the Roses”
This song so beautifully captures an ambivalence of loss that can only happen when good things fall apart. Every line is perfection.
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Things I Can't Open Reliably
Cardboard milk cartons.
I had these under control when I was in kindergarten but now they’re an enigma.
The foil under the flap in a package of Trident gum.
Is it even perforated? Do I need a scalpel?
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An Opinionated List of Things That Don't Belong on Things
I’ve been away from my family for a week and I’m getting surly. You probably shouldn’t read this indulgent judgmental BS. Read more…
➕➕Neighborhoods to Live in in South Bay Area…
…for a person relocating from Phoenix who likes the city, likes to walk, hates long commutes, works in Cupertino, has one college-aged kid and one high schooler, doesn’t care a ton about square footage and isn’t made of money. $800 and under probably. Doing some pre-shopping today. May be moving in a year. Read more…
Words That Are Used Way Too Often to Mean Something They Don't Mean
Rape
Being over charged, sold something you didn’t want, or humped by a dog do not meet the criteria of “rape”. Find another word.
Draconian
Is Facebook the government? Do they cut your hands off when you chew gum? No? Then their stupid policy isn’t “draconian”.
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Ugly Characters Who Aren't
Like that Simpson’s episode: “I wanted Mary Ann on ‘Gilligan’s Island’ ugly, not Cornelius on ‘The Planet if Apes’ ugly. TV ugly, not… ugly ugly.” Read more…
Imagery I Love From John Prine Songs
“The air was as still as the throttle on a funeral train.”
From “My Mexican Home”.
“Heat lightning burned the sky like alcohol.”
From “Mexican Home”
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Some of My Favorite Opening Lines
“Shantaram” by Gregory David Roberts
It took me a long time and most of the world to learn what I know about love and fate and the choices we make, but the heart of it came to me in an instant, while I was chained to a wall being tortured.
“Charlotte’s Web” by E B White
Where’s papa going with that axe?
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Things I Don’t Want That Just Come With Things I Do Want
Peach Yogurts
Come with the strawberry and blueberry. Peach yogurt is gross.
Apple Logo Stickers
Come with everything I ever buy from Apple. I really only need between zero and one.
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Things Around Here That Look Like Other Things
This mini apple tart my daughter made looks like a rose.
I think it was supposed to.
This incorrectly-installed towel hook looks like a buffalo.
He’s been that way for 10 years and I kind of love him.
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Three Reasons the Youth Camp Fundraiser I Took Food to Yesterday Was a Cut Above
My smoker is my new hobby and @ChrisK will find out first hand if he comes for a visit. Read more…
