Every couple of years I re-read Charlotte’s Web and then I spend days and days thinking about how good it is and reading E.B. White essays and just generally obsessing. Today I found his essay called Unity.
Archive Posts (Page 2)
Eras are growing shorter and shorter in America. Some of them seem to last only a few days. E.B. White
There was no meeting with Russians.
There was a meeting but it wasn’t about the election.
There was a meeting about the election but it wasn’t about Wikileaks data.
The meeting was about Wikileaks data, but Trump didn’t know about it.
Trump knew about it but not until after it happened.
Trump knew about it before it happened, but he didn’t pay for the data so it’s not illegal.
Read more…
Q-Tip SUGGESTED USES:
Brush your eyebrows with them! Type with them! Poke a baby with them! (Always bathe your q-tip after each use)
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Jurassic Park 2050
[INT, CONFERENCE ROOM]
Eccentric Business Man: I present to you my zany plan to build a park with living dinosaurs.
Everyone: No.
THE END
A couple weeks ago I wrote some code to delete all my twitter activity that is more than 30 days old and I’ve been running it periodically. I’m considering doing the same thing with Facebook.
Dear California:
My children go to (/went to) public schools in Arizona. My family lives in Arizona. I use Arizona roads. On the rare occasions when I need emergency services, I need them in Arizona.
When I’m working in California I stay in California hotels, eat in California restaurants, and pay California sales and hospitality taxes. Meanwhile, my entire family, which I support financially, is still living in Arizona.
I work 5 days a week, and 2 days a week + holidays and other time off is all spent in Arizona.
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Sophia: What’s for lunch?
Me: It’s only 10.
Sophia: I’m not hungry now. I just mean I will be hungry eventually and I’d like to know what you plan to do about that.
Host: Do you have a reservation?
Me: Yes, 5:00 for Coffey
Host: [looks confused] What’s your first name?
Me: Geoff with a ‘G’
Host: Oh ok. [laughs] For some reason someone wrote it down as “geoff” [pronounces it gee-off]
Me: …
I just saw a Facebook ad that told me I should run cold water, not hot, when using the garbage disposal. I feel like this ad could do a better job with targeting because we, of course, have no cold water in phoenix in the summer.
I did the harassment training at work today and all the examples made me sad. Now I can’t focus because I keep thinking about all the mean things hypothetical example people did.
We have about 24 hours of America left, and it’s all up to republicans in Congress. Will anyone who is up for re-election speak up for America today?
See you all in whatever country emerges from this.
Sophie: What’s the license plate number.
Me: I don’t know. Go outside and look.
Sophie: I don’t have pants on.
Me: …
Sophie: Yeah your right, it’s fine. It’s 10:30 in the morning. Nobody will be out there.
Sophie: [goes outside]
One time I told Sophia it was deployment day and she thought that meant the day people get fired. When I looked at her like she was crazy she said “Isn’t deployment the opposite of employment.”
I’m incapable of not devolving into politeness with unfeeling and unconvincingly robotic digital assistants. I can’t imagine how much worse it will get when they get smarter and more natural.
Yesterday I literally said, “Hey Siri, you can turn the music off if you want. I’m stepping out.”
IF YOU WANT…
The universe is no narrow thing and the order within it is not constrained by any latitude in its conception to repeat what exists in one part in any other part. Even in this world more things exist without our knowledge than with it and the order in creation which you see is that which you have put there, like a string in a maze, so that you shall not lose your way.
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The real tragedy of a monsoon storm is that the mesquite beans on the sidewalks don’t snap satisfyingly when I step on them anymore.
Only a chemist would refer to water as H2O. But I say that it’s liquid and transparent, that we drink it and that we can wash ourselves with it. Now you can finally see what I’m talking about. The list is the mark of a highly advanced, cultivated society because a list allows us to question the essential definitions. The essential definition is primitive compared with the list.
I haven’t had hiccups for probably 30 years and my body is making up for lost time today. 5 hours and going now with a few short breaks. Can someone please remove my diaphragm?
“Records linking children to their parents have disappeared, and in some cases have been destroyed … leaving the authorities struggling to identify connections between family members.”
Note to federal workers: When you boss tells you to take children from their parents without cause, and there is no system in place to track them so they can be re-unified in the future, you have exactly one choice: Refuse and quit your job.
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I really wish more tech companies would take privacy seriously. Grrr.
Normally I just grumble about ads but I would like to confess that this lady who shows up in the first one second of the Alexa ad Facebook has been showing me constantly for days … this lady makes me happy. Every time I see her enthusiastic face I feel a little better about the world. And I see it pretty much every time I scroll the Facebook timeline.
Thank you commercial actor.
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Hot Take: Social media is ruining us clueless adults way more than it is ruining our media-savvy children.
It’s happening.
[ed: The original tumblr account no longer exists so I updated this link to point to archive.org.]
So many people at this airport are not Sophia. 😡
Another day in Paris for Sophie and Maïa. Man I love these smiles.
These beautiful girls below the Sacré-Cœur from which you can see all of Paris at your feet.
Sophie: “Look, 80s dad glasses!”
Sophie: “This reminds me of the Regina Spektor song ‘Sellers of Flowers’”.
Sophie: “This reminds me of Hydra in Greece.”
And of course two of Sophie’s favorite things: Cats and Butts.
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I feel like Melania can wear whatever she wants — even juvenile tone deaf borderline offensive nonsense — while she’s an unpaid volunteer.
Give her a salary for her duties and then let’s talk about a uniform.
Crêpe day.
Lovely lady liberty in honor of our 250 year friendship with France. Or Sophie being silly. Either way…
According to Sophia: “I told Maïa to wait so I could take a picture but she kept nibbling anyway.”
That’s a potato. I asked so you don’t have to.
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More leftists promulgating the fake news that family separation is unethical.
More Sophie in Paris.
This one was captioned “The Adams Family had a terrible accident.”
No Sophie but isn’t Maïa lovely?
Best friends since 4th grade.
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Hey phoenix look west low in the yellow sky and see mercury bright and clear.
Honestly I have no idea if this is a good idea or if Trump fell asleep on the toilet while watching Fox News again, woke up to reruns of Star Trek, and got confused.
I’ll let the experts weigh in.
DHS: We strongly object to your use of the word “cages”
CBS: Are they in cages?
DHS: Yes.
CBS: …
DHS: But we’re uncomfortable with you using that word.
CBS: But are they in cages?
DHS: Yes. They may be cages but they’re not being treated like animals.
CBS: What’s the distinction?
DHS: …
#maga
Sophie and Maïa at “a Monet museum.” Plus bonus photos: “Maïa’s annoyed face” and “A kiss for dad on Father’s Day.”
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There’s a twitter bot called Pentametron that finds tweets in iambic pentameter and retweets then in rhyming couplets (because of course there is). It’s great and sometimes accidentally moving.
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Happy Father’s Day everybody. Remember 2000+ children are not with their fathers today because the United State of America has a formal policy of psychologically terrorizing children to gain political leverage and scare away future would be asylum seekers. Remember The Untied States of America is overtly and fundamentally evil today. Enjoy your cake.