Before you start ask yourself, out of all the people in the world, how many are good enough? I don’t mean do calculus, or study statistics. I’m asking philosophically. What does it mean, fundamentally, if people—so far as we know the only things in the universe to which goodness really applies—aren’t mostly good enough for you? Now you’re ready…
Step 1: Forgive
There are exceptions of course. But for the most part you can simply let it go. Don’t change them. Don’t wish for them to change. Don’t secretly expect them to change while saying they are fine the way they are. Just forgive them their trespasses and accept them as they are. If you have been affronted you are not alone. Trade your outrage for the potential for forgiveness from someone you’ve hurt.
Step 2: Admire
Some people are loyal, some people are kind, some people make you laugh, some change the world, some care for a parent or sibling, some donate their time, some work hard, some stay out of the way. Some cook. Some write. Some police, and some heal. Most people have a lot of good in them. Find it and focus on it. Be grateful for it.
Step 3: Expose
Now that you know what is special about them, find a way to tell them you appreciate it. Find the opportunity to share with them what matters to you. Admit your mistakes. Confess your weakness. Make yourself smaller (to yourself) to make room for them.
Step 4: Understand
Given all you’ve learned and all you’ve forgotten about them, understand a little tiny bit better what the world is like for them. Understand that what matters to them may not matter to you. What hurts them may not bother you. What excites them? What scares them? What changed them and what about them will never change?
That’s it. You’re done. You love them now.