The Alchemists Cookbook: Recipe for Gold
(The list I would have posted today in honor of Link )
Gather together approximately 4,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 pounds of hydrogen (you don’t need to be exact) in a large open space.
Divide the hydrogen into two clouds of roughly equal size; leave plenty of space between them.
Allow the clouds to rest for 5 to 8 billion years. They will condense, fuse, expand, then contract, then explode. (Stand clear during this process.)
You should now have two neutron stars within a cloud of matter. Sweep away this cloud — you do not want it to begin to accrete on the stars or it may alter the recipe.
Set the neutron stars on a decaying orbit about one another.
Allow approximately 10 billion years for the orbit to decay. The stars will collide forming a black hole, an explosion of energy, and a hot expanding cloud of matter.
Gather the cloud of matter and, using a centrifuge, sort it by density.
This process should yield about 20,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 ounces of pure gold (on today’s market that is worth about $20,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 if you can find a buyer).
You may discard the remaining black hole, or save for later. It will keep for 100 billion years or so.