Waiting in line at Little Miss BBQ with my little miss Isabel.
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Facebook Archive (Page 6)
I created a Facebook account in 2012 but didn’t really post much until 2014. In 2018 I deleted my account (for secret reasons). It was a relief to let it go, but also a little sad. I quickly lost tabs of friends and extended family. Of course we still talk now and again, but I am much less aware of what’s going on in their day to day lives. Nevertheless I’m glad I left.
In an act of unbridled vanity, I have archived all the old posts here.
My Posts
On the seashore of endless worlds children meet. The infinite sky is motionless overhead and the restless water is boisterous. On the seashore of endless worlds the children meet with shouts and dances.
They build their houses with sand and they play with empty shells. With withered leaves they weave their boats and smilingly float them on the vast deep. Children have their play on the seashore of worlds.
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Guys after some careful analysis I think I figured out what “Nuclear Button” is a euphemism for.
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7th grade science teacher: Giant sea turtles love to eat jelly fish tentacles. They aren’t immune. It causes them physical pain but they love it so they eat it anyway.
7th grade me: Lol. Animals are so dumb. [eats a jalapeño]
Sophia: If I ever get married I don’t want you to “give me away.”
Me: Ok.
Sophia: You don’t own me.
Me: Indeed.
Sophia: That’s just celebrating the patriarchy.
Me: Ok.
Sophia: Would you be mad if I didn’t want you to give me away?
Me: No.
Sophia: Would you be mad if I wanted you to give me away?
Me: No.
Sophia: Good.
[45 second pass]
Sophia: You can still come to my wedding though.
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Sometimes I like to imagine what Facebook food videos will look like in fifty years. Humans drowning in gallons of cheese. Burgers 11 feet high. Deep fried will to live. It’ll be amazing.
Sophia is really mad at me for sharing this because she is her own worst critic but here is the short film she made for film class. She wrote the script and it was selected for production. Because of the subject matter they chose to do stop motion which is really difficult but I think they did great. The story is so adorable I may die.
Link
Note that in the beginning when the skeleton sits at the table you’re supposed to see that she desperately wants to eat things but the cookies just fall through her onto the floor.
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When I saw the Last Jedi trailer I assumed the “porg” was Chewie’s new first mate on the Millenium Falcon. I was wrong but this does point out a serious two-arms-two-legs-human-height bias in the Star Wars universe.
Sometimes when Sophie is being extra grouchy and surly I sing 🎶 “Can you feel the rage tonight?” to the tune of that song from lion king.
She loves it. You can tell by the nature of her scowl.
Maybe all the “parade” people can start their own country in like Antarctica or something and leave the rest of us in peace.
Aside: how do I get to the bank?
To celebrate Sophia’s birthday, I’m posting these adorable pictures of Isabel wearing my dad’s glasses.
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Malls should have a sign that tells you where all the directories are. They could call it the Indirectory.
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“Officers arrested 46-year-old Shabani on suspicion of mayhem.”
I said she looks like the mechanic on a spaceship and Isabel said that wasn’t a very nice way to compliment her new outfit but I stand by it.
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Every time I share one of my own “memories” on Facebook I’m reminded of this bit from the brilliant short film “World of Tomorrow” (watch it on Netflix!):
Our view-screens allow us to witness any event in history by reordering the light impressions recorded on the subatomic particles that are in constant chaos all around us.
It is how I am watching you now, Emily.
It is how we watch everything in your time.
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Ok we saw Star Wars. Spoil away.
One of the greatest thrills in life is working on hard creative/technical problems with smart talented people.
Sometimes I lament the fact that everything — absolutely everything — falters, fails, and eventually fades away. “In the days to come the frail black rebuses of blood in those sands would crack and break and drift away so that in the circuit of a few suns all trace of the destruction of these people would be erased.”
Two years ago at this time the kids were showing their true colors at Harry Potter (World? Land? Place?) Anyway, here they were.
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The iPhone X battery may as well last forever because I’ve never even seen it get to the red. It’s usually about 40% when I go to bed. I feel a little bad for those stale electrons at the bottom who don’t get to feel fulfilled.
Looking forward to the fan theories 10 years from now that claim “Porgs” are secret Sith masters running everything.
(Aside: We haven’t seen the movie yet. No spoilers!)
This is a remarkable book and I recommend it highly to anyone who loves language. A book about what people do (innately it seems) to make what they say more beautiful. But better than that, it is interesting, exquisitely written, and funny.
The first sentence of Bleak House. ‘London.’ That’s a good first sentence. That’s a writer who knew what he wanted to say. He wanted to say London. from The Elements of Eloquence by Mark Forsyth
We got some lucky niece time today with Eleanore. She’s so cute she turns all the heads and I just got to bask in the glory and pretend she was mine.
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Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;
Where knowledge is free;
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls;
Where words come out from the depth of truth;
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection;
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;
Where the mind is led forward by thee into ever-widening thought and action—
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“Starring Jeff Goldblum as Jeff Goldblum.”
Colleges: Housing costs 3 times comparable rent. Food costs as much as a for-profit restaurant. Tuition goes up every year and has increased 10x in the last 20 years.
Also colleges: Won’t you please consider making a cash donation to help fund our programs?
Now we know why TIME contacted trump for an interview about person of the year.
This is actually pretty honest and forthright. A good step.
Sophia: Why is it called a toilet paper roll?
Me: Um…because it’s a roll.
Sophia: Well what is a roll then?
Me: A thing that’s rolled up.
Sophia: Oh. 🤔 Then why is a little piece of bread called a roll?
This lead me (of course!) to etymonline.com (which has a new much more readable mobile site by the way) where I learned that roll as bread predates roll as a verb by 200 years.
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Orrin Hatch on the claim that the Senate tax bill primarily helps the wealthy:
“I come from poor people and I’ve been here working my whole stinkin’ career for people who don’t have a chance. And I really resent anybody saying that I’m just doing this for the rich… We didn’t have anything. So don’t spew that stuff on me — I get a little tired of that crap!”
Orrin Hatch on why they haven’t reauthorized the Children’s Health Insurance Program (which he himself sponsored back before the Republican Party went off the cliff) and protected other social welfare programs:
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A few months ago the vet put our cats on a diet. Ever since then they’ve been even more unbearable than before in their constant quest for food.
One of them is currently pulling up carpet fibers and eating them.
When I was a kid my dad told me there was something called “Ana-ana Disease”. If a person with this disease started to spell the word “banana” they couldn’t stop. I think I may have believed him a little bit.
Confession:
I like doing taxes.
About this time of year I always get a little excited and have to remind myself “No Geoff, there’s really no point in starting until you have W-2s.”
This is amazing and wonderful.
When the bandaid does more damage to your skin than the thing it’s supposed to be protecting.
According to my dermatologist I’m having a reaction to the adhesive. I always thought bandaids did this to everybody.
“Coco” was pretty moving. I mean when Mama Imelda started smashing up that still-working mint condition original Macintosh computer … I almost cried.
Godspeed my sweet Katie-kins. I love you.
Ohhh… the Hamilton musical is about ALEXANDER Hamilton. Huh. I thought it was about Linda Hamilton. I shouldn’t have dressed up like a killer robot.
Hey. This restaurant in LA is playing Zella Day.
This is one of my favorite Christian hymns, written by Henry Lyte while he lay dying of tuberculosis. (I’ve always loved the second verse.)
Every year in November millions of turkeys are senselessly killed by turkey farms. Don’t let them die in vain.