Facebook: “You may like these pages”
Me: “YOU DON’T KNOW ME…Hmm, actually that does look interesting.”
I created a Facebook account in 2012 but didn’t really post much until 2014. In 2018 I deleted my account (for secret reasons). It was a relief to let it go, but also a little sad. I quickly lost tabs of friends and extended family. Of course we still talk now and again, but I am much less aware of what’s going on in their day to day lives. Nevertheless I’m glad I left.
In an act of unbridled vanity, I have archived all the old posts here.
Facebook: “You may like these pages”
Me: “YOU DON’T KNOW ME…Hmm, actually that does look interesting.”
Click “LIKE” if you too are above clicking like just because a post tells you to.
Ok, people. This is an emergency. Where can I buy awesome hotdog buns now?
“We are going to go on slowly, quietly, hand in hand, the three of us, never giving up.”
What a lovely little thing.
Mamie and I have been in a month-long game of chicken where we agree to go somewhere “in a minute” and then later one of us says, “Ok I’m ready when you are” and the other says “Ok let’s go” and then we both keep working and nobody actually goes anywhere.
I need a Pop Tart*
* for certain definitions of “need”
One time I injured my back picking up the soap I dropped in the shower, which isn’t really quite as cool as “motorcycle accident” or “hauling bails of something manly.”
Yesterday I hurt it again, and I think I’ve outdone myself. I sneezed, and my back has been killing me ever since.
Apple: “Your iCloud storage is running low. Want to upgrade?”
Me: “If I delete the 200,000 pictures of Regina Spektor Sophia has accumulated I think I’ll be fine.”
Money quote: “I attempted to reach out to the man who washes Bob Costas’ eyes for comment on the color of the drainage. It turned out there was no such man. Costas has been washing his own eyes. This is the state of things in Sochi.”
“Elizabeth Smart is speaking. Ooh, I’d give anything to go see that. Wait, $275 a seat? Never mind. I’ll buy her book.”
Facebook’s new “Paper” app is really spectacular. Fluid, elegant, intuitive, and lovely. But is there really no switch to turn off noises? I promise you I don’t want my phone to bloop when I “like” something.
Sophia’s been singing songs from Frozen constantly so I said, “I think you like Frozen better than Regina Spektor” and then she attacked me viciously and started to cry.
Here’s my Facebook movie. Just kidding. I don’t have a Facebook movie. Get a life, people.
^^^ This was a joke. I know you have a life and I’m glad you share it with me even though I didn’t watch your stupid movie.
I’m going to make a questionnaire that tells you which “which character are you” questionnaire you are. My guess is I’m Star Wars, but maybe I’m Peanuts.
Oh boy if I tell Sophia Regina Spektor is on Facebook she’ll suddenly forget all her “Facebook is dumb” stuff and create an account. Mark my words. Check back in 24 hours.
Costco Lady: Do you want a box?
Me: No, I want to carry these 75 loose items to my car in one precarious tower, Cat in the Hat style. Do you happen to have a unicycle I can borrow?
Today I learned “dry shampoo” or “aerosol shampoo” is a thing. I had no idea.
Apparently I have swine flu so if you’ve read any of my posts in the last couple of days, be on the lookout for symptoms.
I love how my Facebook feed turns to all Japanese at three in the morning. Ohayō my Yūjin.
The strange numbering system they use at the MVD means I don’t know if we will be served in 2 minutes or 2 hours. Anybody have a decoder ring?
SNORE.
How can Facebook possibly have time to implement self-playing scroll-stuttering videos but not have time to get flash-less html video working on the web. Priorities, Zuck. Priorities.
If it were -40° in Phoenix, really, half my Phoenix native friends would just drop dead immediately. They put coats on when it’s 65° here and break out the scarves and gloves for the 50s.
Today my parents celebrate their 50th anniversary. Pretty spectacular. Here’s to 50 more mommy and papa.
I can’t wait to show you all what Sophia is making for her teacher for a baby gift. But I have to wait because it is not done. It is so cool.
Some day someone is going to invent an inbound call system for busy times that is more data efficient than me listening to hold music and marketing messages at 8Kbps so that an audio signal can inform me that they are ready to talk to me.
Me: “Hey Sophia, no freaking out.”
Sophia: “That’s my worst subject.”
Little old lady at the grocery when she sees my candy sprinkles: “You must have a wife or girlfriend who is making cookies and sent you on an errand.”
Eh, close enough.
I don’t really know what to think of this except that it gave me that unsettled sense when some otherwise-normal thing is just a little bit weird.
Kind of like you feel when you type this sentence:
“we were arrested after dad ate deer eggs”
Go ahead and type it now. I’ll wait.
Sophia: “I put sugar snap peas in my lunch.”
Me: “What about sugar snap q’s?”
Sophia (without missing a beat): “Well, they say you have to mind your P’s and Q’s so I just took peas because I don’t want to have to keep an eye on them all day.”